Wharton, NJ -- (SBWIRE) --10/10/2011 -- 3 out of 4 women are unhappy with the way they look or feel. And a new Superdrug study of nearly 2000 women suggests that women drop big bucks to compensate when feeling down, especially after a break up. It is clear that women tie the way they feel to their circumstances and image. That’s why diet and self-help books are best sellers, and is the number one category for book retailers – women think they need to change themselves in order to be happier. But, according to Self-Esteem expert, author, and mentor Susan Vernicek, self-help programs aren’t the answer, at least not at first.

“We must start with acceptance. Women can be happy with whom they are without feeling the need to constantly change themselves,” says Vernicek “and it begins with recognizing the traits that create our unique identities.” Vernicek has mentored thousands of women to increase their confidence as the editor of Identity Magazine, and suggests journaling as the entry point to happiness. “Writing is not only therapeutic, but key to self discovery and becoming happier.”

She has 3 simple tips to accept yourself through journaling, even for those who are not writers.

1. Acknowledge Your Qualities: “You must know who you are in order to accept yourself,” says Vernicek. Most self-esteem experts suggest listing out your best traits and the things you love. However, Vernicek says this is a stumbling block for women who struggle with self-esteem. Instead, Vernicek advises women to dump it all out on paper - the good, the bad, and the ugly. “Self-love is not about perfection or success. Your qualities make up the overall package of the things you are proud of, your failures, your personality traits, your quirks, and imperfections – mentally and physically. Knowing yourself inside and out is the first step to acceptance.”

2. Release and Let Go: Each of us has had an experience that can affect the way we feel about ourselves, and deeply impact our self-esteem: harmful relationships, unhappy bosses, competitive friendships, a family at war, or even going up or down a size in jeans. Vernicek urges women to release and let go of these experiences, “Our experiences do not make up who we are. We can learn from them, but they shouldn’t define our identities. Use your words to write letters, even if you never intend to send them, to your former self or to those who have hurt you. Simply releasing opens us up to accepting ourselves and our past situations.”

3. Use what works: Journaling doesn’t require a pen and paper or traditional journal at all. Vernicek suggests finding what works for you. “If you are a computer person, sit with your laptop, if you are an extrovert, speak it out loud and video yourself! For talkers, buddy up with a close friend and chat it out. For those that angst-filled and need to actively release, do something liberating like using lipstick to mark up your mirror with your thoughts.”

Vernicek also has 5 questions, The Identity 5, to help women self-reflect and learn to accept, appreciate, and achieve within themselves – mentally and physically. She uses the questions to interview high profile, diverse, famous women on her internet TV show, and now is taking the questions on the road to help real women all over the United States. The Identity 5 Tour will be in Portsmouth, New Hampshire at Sheraton Harborside, 250 Market St. from 6:30 to 8:30 P.M. To register you can go to http://identity5tourmaine.eventbrite.com/